Monday, May 27, 2024

Captain Jackass Rides Again – Right Into Your House

I smell a skunk. Sen. Jason Rapert (R-Bigotlow) is fired up and blazing1 onto the scene again to rescue 585,030 voters from themselves. In yesterday’s episode of Stanley Knows Best,2 Captain Jackass continued grinding away with his wacky attempts to undo the will of the voters, and he filed an amendment to SB3573 to the Arkansas Medical Marijuana Amendment of 2016.

Yep, your eyes do not deceive you. You read that correctly.

In a list of items under the heading “This amendment does not permit a person to:” the following seven words were added to the list: “Smoke marijuana in any location in Arkansas”.

Any location…as in, anywhere and everywhere.

That’s right: Rev. Sen. “Dr.” Hilljack, a member of the party of individual liberty and personal freedom4, is not only telling the majority of citizens who voted to make medical marijuana legal that what they did was wrong and that he must save them, but he is also stepping in and telling them what they can or cannot do inside the confines of their own homes.5

From where does all of this stem? To be blunt, Stanley knows best of course!6 I believe it is purely out of his desire to protect others from second-hand smoke and for his love for the environment. After all, that would be a lot of carbon released into the ozone, and I’m sure he doesn’t want to stir the pot, further impacting climate change.7

Either that, or he was too daft to realize that banning smoking would not achieve his ultimate goal of nipping the Act in the bud and undoing the will of the voters.8 If he doesn’t want people smoking it anywhere in the state, I guess users will just have to resort to more creative methods, like vaping and extracts and edibles, since–apparently–StanJay doesn’t seem to have a problem with those.

This needs to be hashed out. If the legislature ends up going along with him, it will be a total drag. Voters would likely get fired up and clean out that joint, which would obviously result in a lot of green legislators. Hopefully this amendment will be squashed like a roach and send the Pharisee of Perry County’s plans up in smoke.9

As a reminder, however, if you disagree with Sen. Twatwaffle and this bill, you can contact him directly to discuss:

Stanley Jason Rapert

374 Breezewood Rd., Bigelow, AR 72016 [map] (In case you don’t get a response from

(501) 472-2794 (Personal cell phone)

(501) 336-0918 (This one is Holy Ghost Ministries AND his main contact number for Senate work; make of that what you will.)

  1. Look, the puns are not going to stop. Sorry not sorry.

  2. It’s like Everybody Loves Raymond, but even less funny.

  3. Why was this not SB420?

  4. LOL. Right.

  5. Dave’s not here, man

  6. Subject to numerous constitutional limitations. May cause incontinence. Void where prohibited. Do not use if you are allergic to bullshit. May stick to certain kinds of skin.

  7. I got through those sentences with a straight face somehow. I’m amazed.

  8. Which would leave many in a sour mood.

  9. Still not sorry for punning.

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