Sunday, May 26, 2024

Princella Smith Has Mastered Time Travel

Pictured: Princella Smith's work vehicle, complete with Mr. Fusion garbage-recycling fusion generator. How green!

Hyperbole?  Hardly!

I mean, just look at this series of events:

  • On April 12, 2011, Princella Smith was arrested and booked in Wynne, Arkansas, at 12:36pm on charges of driving without proof of insurance, driving without a state-issued license, and driving with a suspended or revoked license.
  • She was released at 1:02pm.
  • According to Secretary of State payroll records, Ms. Smith — an hourly, rather than salaried, employee — worked a full eight hours in her role as Director of Education in the Secretary of State’s Office.
  • According to Yahoo! Maps, the trip from Little Rock, Arkansas, to Wynne, Arkansas, is just over 1 hour and 45 minutes.

All of that means that, to have been booked at 12:36, she would have been stopped pretty close to noon.  Meaning that she would have had to leave Little Rock at 10:15am.  Had she left the jail and had someone else drive her back to Little Rock (because she had no license and should not have driven herself, though I guess that hadn’t stopped her previously…), she would have gotten back to the Capitol around 3pm.  Yet, despite being away from the Capitol for at least 4 hours and 45 minutes in the middle of the day, she managed to work an eight-hour day at the Capitol.

How else would you explain that other than Princella Smith has invented a flux capacitor — maybe she got stopped in Wynne for going 88 mph? — and was able to travel back in time after she left the jail?  Oh, sure, I suppose you could explain it as “someone was letting her submit time sheets that claimed hours that she did not work,” but that seems overly pessimistic.

She’s apparently had the ability to bend the space-time continuum for a while, too.

After all, April 12, 2011, was a Tuesday.  Ms. Smith taught a political science class at East Arkansas Community College-Wynne on Tuesdays and Thursdays, from 11:00 am to 12:45 pm, and classes started at EACC prior to Ms. Smith’s Secretary of State start date of February 7.  Yet, looking at her hourly payroll records, for every single Tuesday and Thursday that she was employed with the Secretary of State, she shows 8 hours of work at the Secretary’s office.  And because we should be able to safely assume that Secretary Martin would not allow someone to be paid for hours that they did not work, time travel is really the only answer that makes sense.

What’s that?  She was suspended with pay after her arrest, despite being an hourly employee, and was credited with 8 hours’ work for each of those days, including on the day that she faxed in her letter of resignation? And she also was credited with 8 hours’ work on February 9, despite only “essential personnel” being required to report to the Capitol due the ridiculous amount of snowfall? Good points, Mr. Imaginary Person Who Asks Rhetorical Questions.

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