Saturday, April 13, 2024

Adventures in Idiocy: Worst Letters to the Editor from the Holiday Weekend (Pt. 1 of 4)

With the long weekend, I actually had the time (and the intestinal fortitude) to read the Democrat-Gazette for four straight days.  You know the drill by now, and, if you don’t, see here for the backstory.  From Friday, we get the semi-coherent musings of one Billy Whitlock of North Little Rock, AR.

Situation’s Our Doing

As we stop and ponder the things that are happening in our country[,] we ask ourselves why there is so much bad stuff.

Actually, I ask myself why people are pointing to the “bad stuff” as being normal or commonplace when, in fact, there is a lot to be happy about.  See, for example, expanded healthcare coverage for many Americans.  I’m going to go out on a limb and assume that Billy Whitlock of North Little Rock, AR, is not a fan of expanded healthcare coverage, however.

As we look around, it is pretty easy to see some of the reasons.

Fox News rhetoric?  The election of a lot of Republicans?  Heavy metal music?  Pokemon?

I think it all started when our courts and our government took over our schools.

Sooooo…1954?  1957?  Heaven help us, Brown v. Board of Ed. and The Little Rock Nine were certainly important moments in government-courts-school interaction, but I don’t think I’d blame “bad stuff” on those moments.  Please, do continue.

We can’t hang the Ten Commandments on the walls of our school that just tell us how to live with our fellow man and our God, who is giving the instructions.

Oh, wow.  Sweet sassy molassey, there’s a whole lot wrong with that sentence, including an erroneous comma. Honestly, I don’t know if the comma or your wild presupposition bothers me more.

There can be no bible reading of any kind,


no mention of Jesus Christ,

Also false.  YOU’RE ON A ROLL, BILL!

no prayer to a living God.

Can I get his address?  I mean, I’ve got some questions I’d like to ask a living God…

What can we expect?

Certainly not cogent and well-written letters to the editor.

We are getting the answers every day, even though we don’t like them.  It is our own doing.

I cannot think of a better tagline for the last few pages of the B section of the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette, assuming “We” are “People who are not insane” and “answers” refers to “statements made in response to some fools’ own questions.”

I can only think that it will continue to get worse until people wake up and start electing men and women who will stand up to the special interests and do what is right for this country.

Zuh?! Special interests?? I thought we were talking about the evil government and courts who “took over our schools.”  What do special interests have to do with ANYTHING?

/recalls amount of logic and coherence generally present in a Dem-Gaz letter


For my grandchildren and great-grandchildren.  I pray it is not too late.

For your grandchildren and great-grandchildren and my cousin, Keith, who’ll call my cousin, Lil’ Darrell, who got my real pager number, I hope you are not responsible for teaching punctuation to anyone, ever.

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