After L.J. Bryant and David Cook each submitted very good commercials, I started to think everyone had upped their campaign advertising game. “Self,” I said to myself, “I think we might have reached a point where candidates are actually thinking about the content of their ads and trying to craft a coherent 30-second message rather than jumping around to a lot of forced ‘candid’ shots without making much sense.”
I was wrong.
Ad Producer: “We want to show that you can get a lot done, but we also want you to appeal to the common man. Hmm. [long pause] I’ve got it! Common people farm, right? And common people LOVE sandwiches! We’ll have you working on a farm, while eating a sandwich! Gold, Jerry! Gold!”
Cattle fed, Mark gets on with his day, and the tried and true sandwich-as-plot-device meme guides the rest of the commercial:
Mark’s wife tells him not to forget the bread. Mark is excited about the prospect of future sandwich-related activities, so he heads into town. Apparently, however, the convenience store did not have any bread, as Mark is coming out the door sans pain when he is accosted by someone wanting to ask him a question, presumably about sandwiches. Question answered, a dejected Mark suddenly perks up when he sees a farmer with a tractor. Though you can’t hear it in the commercial, it is fairly clear that Mark is asking the farmer to grow some wheat so that Mark can make bread.
In the next scene, we see Mark talking to potential voters. The lady in the foreground seems to be asking, “Isn’t Subway over here?” Mark tells her, “Yes, there is a Subway there, but what you really want to do is hop on 630, head north on University, then head east on Markham. Jimmy’s will be on your left. Now THAT is a good sandwich!”
Mark then goes inside his office because he has a phone call. We are told that Mark is a hard worker, which really makes you appreciate the number of sandwich-regulatory questions the office of Land Commissioner fields each day. (“Yeah, I was just wondering…should I put the jelly and the peanut butter on the same piece of bread or each on their own piece?” “Are you serious?! Of COURSE they each go on their own piece of bread!”)
As the commercial ends, we see Mark strolling home at the end of a long day, talking to another possible voter about his views on mustard versus Miracle Whip. Mark has indeed remembered the loaf of bread, and not even the fact that his truck was apparently stolen, forcing him to walk home, can dampen Mark’s spirits. Not on this night; not when sandwich glory awaits him at home.