Thursday, June 30, 2022

Requiem for a Dipshit: A Final Look At Dan Whitfield’s Failures

Yesterday, while careening toward an embarrassing 31% vote total and no run-off, Dan Whitfield took time out of his busy schedule of standing on a flatbed (while inexplicably streaming music and commercials that no one asked for) to play a martyr. Rather than, I don’t know, actually engaging in a meaningful GOTV effort, Dan decided that the best use of some of his time ON ELECTION DAY worrying about what mean old people were saying about him on Twitter. His precious little ego just could not stand the thought that people might be believing a political blogger who had actual proof of Dan’s lies, so Dan–like the Very Serious Candidate he is, and not at all like a petulant toddler–whined to Twitter about it.

Specifically, as I mentioned in the first update to yesterday’s post, Dan1 complained to Twitter that I had posted his private, personal information when I…/checks notes…tweeted screenshots of emails from NWACC and the University of Arkansas that directly disproved Dan’s lies about his educational background. As a result, Twitter suspended the @bluehogreport account.2

Because he’s an absolute fucking moron3, Dan did not seem to expect the negative reaction toward him that followed from the BHR Twitter suspension. When people on Twitter began to call Dan out over it, Dan continued to spend Election Day time on Twitter and responded with this:

Now, stop me if you’ve heard this one before, but Dan is lying. I once posted a screenshot from the Secretary of State’s Office, showing an LLC that Dan and his wife own, and I deleted it after Twitter flagged it (because Twitter doesn’t consider Dan a public figure, apparently, which is hilarious). Only the kind of simpleton who thinks “admitted” and “enrolled” are the same thing would call a single post “multiple times.”

More importantly, however, nothing I posted yesterday had his home address on it. I redacted his address and phone number before I posted specifically so it wouldn’t be an issue.

Of course, Dan wasn’t concerned with whether his tweet was illogical.4 He was just trying to retroactively cover for the fact that he abused Twitter’s reporting system as a way to have factual, public information about him hidden from would-be voters so the voters wouldn’t have more visual proof that he’s a liar.

I think the thing that bugs me most about Dan’s response, however, is not that it’s stupid (though it is), but that it’s so absurdly disingenuous. Dan is not remotely worried about his “personal information” being posted on Twitter, and I know this because he has repeatedly posted his birthday, his daughter’s birthday, his cell phone, and other personal information all over his account.

Hell, Captain Twitter Privacy over here even posted Tom Cotton’s birthday. Hypocrisy much?

But, you know what? I feel like helping Dan out a bit. Since he is so worried about people finding his personal information, I went ahead and compiled all of the places online or in public records that I could think of where his information might be located, and I am going to post links and screenshots here. Just so he has an index, of sorts, in case he wants to tilt at internet windmills and try to have that information removed. Since it’s “personal,” and all.

Let’s see…first up, we have the Federal Elections Commission filings. And would you looky there! It looks like Dan’s home address was put on these public filings by his own wife! Dan’s newfound concern about privacy is going to make for some awkward dinner-table conversations!

You can find several more instances of Dan’s address in the other filings on the FEC’s website, too. You might even see where he and his wife both used that 31 Allonby Cir., Bella Vista, AR 72714 address on the actual campaign contributions and expenditures.

But that’s just the FEC. Maybe he had to use that address there, but has otherwise been vigilant about not putting personal information into the public record where other people might find it? Like, he probably isn’t so full of himself that he signed his own ballot petition in 2020 and used his home address such that it would be available for anyone who bothered to get the file from the Secretary of State’s Office, right?

Oh. Damn. Ok…well, those records are only available to someone willing to put in the minimal effort required to send an AFOIA request. It’s not like you can find his home address on the Secretary of State’s website, can you?

LOL MINERS

Well, damn. Ok, but, even then, you’d have to know how to navigate that god-awful website to find these. It’s not like you’re going to find his personal information just by searching Google, are you?

Well, shit. It seems like he might be fighting an uphill battle to police all of these leaks of his highly confidential information that he has put all over the public record. And that’s before you even account for Farm Bureau’s 2020 Voter Guidebook…

or Benton County’s property records…

or exhibits in his Hindenburg of a ballot-access lawsuit…

or his own Facebook page…

or those pesky institutions of higher education who respond to AFOIA requests…

Yep. If I were Dan Whitfield and I was concerned that people were going to see my address, birthday, and/or phone number online, I would probably start by addressing each of the places listed above. Can’t be too careful in this day and age. Gotta get that stuff removed ASAP!

/holds finger to ear

What’s that? Oh. OH.

I am being told that, since these are all public records or based on public records, and the information has been provided by Dan in most of these instances, he is shit out of luck and has no reason to think any of this is “private information” at this point.

In all seriousness, though, fuck this clown. He spent two-plus years campaigning more or less non-stop, trying to satisfy his delusions that he had the slightest shot at being a United States Senator despite lacking any political savvy, political ties, or resume that would suggest that he is qualified for the job. In the end, all he has to show for it is a lost lawsuit, a lost appeal, and mathematical proof that less than a third of the people who care enough to vote in a Democratic primary were willing to waste a vote on him.

Along the way, he constantly acted like he was an expert on all things, even when he was completely incorrect about his assertions. He never once accepted responsibility for his own failures or admitted that he was wrong, except for the rare instance when he backpedaled and blamed someone else for his own lack of knowledge. Indeed, to the very end of his attempt at relevancy, he showed that he would rather lie about someone posting his “personal information” than allow people to see public records that disproved Dan’s fake image of himself that he was trying to portray.

Also, not to belabor the point, but thirty-one percent. After more than two years of steady campaigning. That’s not just losing a few votes because the voters realized he was lying about his educational background; that’s the voting population of this state telling him to abandon his pipe dreams of being elected to office and just go back to mining crypto on the computer equipment that he almost certainly paid for with campaign funds.

For someone as fragile as Dan Whitfield, that realization has to sting.

And, Dan, since I have zero doubt that you will read this, let me leave you with a quote from noted American wordsmith El-P: “From now on, you’re immortalized, playin’ yourself on my record / Congratu-fuckin-lations, isn’t that what you wanted, idiot?”


  1. Or, perhaps, someone at Dan’s behest, since Dan was blocked and could not have done it himself

  2. That appeal is still pending.

  3. “hE gRaDuAteD cUm LaUdE!1!” Yeah? He’s still more Fig Newton than Isaac Newton.

  4. He never is.

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