Thursday, September 29, 2022

The Rut Slingshots Past Holcomb to Reach Foolish Four

In the Over That Way region, Tom Cotton’s going down to a 16 seed in the first round threw everything into flux from the start, and Arkansas AG Leslie “The Rut” Rutledge appears to have been the major beneficiary of Cotton’s departure. Coming from the bottom half of the regional bracket after wins against Andrea Lea, Jack Ladyman, and Asa Hutchinson, The Rut slid into the Elite Eight against a visibly overmatched 5 seed in State Rep. Mike Holcomb.

Playing in front of thongs throngs of people, Rutledge began downing shot after shot, flinging from long range right into the defense’s face. Holcomb, visibly uninterested in going against a woman of Rutledge’s age, had no real answer. The best Holcomb could manage was a half-hearted early run in the second half, which petered out as soon as The Rut stopped paying attention to what was happening in other games and, instead, focused on the actual game she was chosen to play. Ultimately, Rutledge won going away and slingshotted herself right into the Foolish Four.

Said Rutledge after the game, “The people of Arkansas elected me to fight for them, and that’s what I do, whether it’s by winning a fake basketball game or by getting involved in lawsuits in California and elsewhere.” When pressed to explain how that made any sense at all, Rutledge screamed, “MAYBE YOU JUS’ DON’T KNOW HOW WE TAWLK HERE IN AR-KAN-SAW!” and stormed off.

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