Thursday, September 29, 2022

Laurie Rushing Squeaks Past Jan Morgan to Reach Foolish Four

No region in the tournament managed to stay as true to its seeding as the Just Past Where The Old Coke Sign Used To Be region, where only a predictable loss by Tom Carpenter against Sovereign Immunity prevented all four top seeds from reaching the Sweet Sixteen. The Elite Eight matchup continued that theme, with 1-seed State Rep. Laurie Rushing taking on 2-seed Jan Morgan in what was billed by fans as the Garland County Hoedown Throwdown Showdown.

Rushing struggled early, with Morgan exploiting many of Rushing’s numerous past lies to great effect. Rushing looked especially rattled when Morgan started asking about Planned Parenthood, and it appeared Rushing might fold completely when Morgan’s fans started chanting something that sounded like “Bil-ly Gil-more” over and over.

Coming out of halftime, however, Rushing quickly started cutting into Morgan’s 12-point lead, as Morgan seemed too distracted by what she called “those Muslims in the stands” to stay focused on playing offense. (Ed. note: We’re like 97% sure the “Muslims” in question were actually Hispanic, but we’re 100% sure that Jan Morgan doesn’t care about that distinction.)

With just under a minute to play, Rushing took the lead from Morgan on a mid-range jumper that anyone with a modicum of skill could have made (though Rushing, of course, preened like she was really something special after that bucket). Morgan had a chance to tie in the final seconds following a foul by Rushing on a Morgan three-point attempt, but Rushing blurted out “Sharia Law!” before each free throw, and Morgan missed all three.

Laurie Rushing will next play Leslie Rutledge in the Foolish Four.

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