Thursday, September 29, 2022

Collins Misfires in Elite Eight Upset Loss to Sorvillo

As a noted gun nut and a self-professed expert on being a chick magnet jobs magnet, State Rep. Charlie Collins came into this tournament as an underrated favorite to make it at least to the Foolish Four. After all, when you make your singular accomplishment the putting of guns on campus, despite even police thinking it’s a bad idea, it’s really only a matter of time before a gun accident injures or kills someone and your name gets attached to every story about it.

Unfortunately for Charlie — but fortunately for the people on campuses around the state! — the inevitable accidental shooting has not happened yet, so Charlie’s overall foolish game is not invincible. More unfortunate still, Charlie ran up against a true multi-dimensional fool team in State Rep. Jim Sorvillo, a surprising 12 seed, who brings gropey hands, a long history on the public teat rather than actual work, and a questionable history with Social Security disability payments to the tourney.

With a trip to the Foolish Four on the line, Collins tried to mix things up a bit and went with something called the “GJM anti-terrorism MOAB” play. Sorvillo, however, was unfazed, and quickly opened up a lead. By the time Collins went back to his run-n-gun approach, it was too late. The only thing that even slowed Sorvillo a little bit was a restraining order obtained on behalf of the cheerleaders, which Sorvillo was served with at halftime, much to his chagrin.

Sorvillo wins the Down Yonder region and will take on the winner of Jason Rapert and the AR-15 in the Foolish Four.

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