Morgan Blows Griffin Away In Sweet 16 Win

Arkansas Republican Gubernatorial candidate — and legitimate nutjob with a correspondingly legitimate chance to make the GOP primary a race — Jan Morgan took a page out of Lou Holtz’s pre-game playbook, talking about how fond she is of Arkansas Lt. Gov. Tim Griffin and Griffin’s game, while simultaneously making it clear that she’s still eying a matchup with Gov. Asa Hutchinson down the road.

Said Morgan, “Tim’s agenda is the people’s agenda.” (Apparently, “the people” consist of old, white conservatives who have no problem with voter caging and other shady behavior.) Regardless, Griffin’s agenda was not Morgan’s agenda, at least on this night. Morgan came out firing, as she is wont to do. Griffin, trying to draw on his military background, but then remembering that he was just an Army pogue, was outgunned from the start. Griffin’s lack of cardio endurance, caused by years in a literal do-nothing job, was also evident early, as he had no answer for Morgan’s “30 Rounds of Hell” style of play. By halftime, this game was all but done, as Griffin was seen in the locker room texting Karl Rove about potential other jobs that the duo could steal. Morgan moves on to face the winner of Laurie Rushing-Sovereign Immunity in the Elite Eight.