Clark Gunned Down By AR-15 In Sweet 16 Matchup

State Sen. (and execrable human) Alan Clark dreaded this matchup from the moment the AR-15 beat “Bullet” Bob Ballinger. Said Clark before the game, “If Bob can’t take out that kind of opponent, how can I? What will the NRA say if I win? How will I compensate for physical shortcomings if I can’t brag about owning an AR-15???”

Alas for Clark, in an outcome that was no surprise to anyone who has watched him pander to the gun lobby for years, Clark did not even mount a defense to the AR-15. Far be it from him, Clark was rumored to have remarked, to do anything to stop–or even slow–the proliferation of the AR-15. Once the AR-15 was allowed to hit its maximum effective rate of fire of 45 shots in the first minute, Clark simply laid down and cried about the lack of an armed teacher or preacher to help him.