Thursday, May 19, 2022

Collins Shoots His Way Past Hester In Upset Victory

This one is going to be talked about for a while. Just before tip-off, State Rep. Charlie Collins managed to get a bill through the legislature during the special session and get it signed by the governor, requiring all imaginary tournament officials to be armed. Early in the first half, with Collins ahead by 3, the referee accidentally shot himself in the thigh. Collins, hearing the gunshot, pulled a very small pistol from his shorts, screamed, “GOOD GUY WITH A GUN,” and opened fire in every direction.

State Sen. Bart Hester, along with everyone else in attendance, fled the building, as Collins stood at half court staring at his gun and slowly masturbating until time expired, giving him the kind of win that will stay in his spankbank forever.

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